Mr. Bow Tie Read online

  Date: October 2, 2015

  Automatic reply: Thank you. Your message has been received.

  To: [email protected]

  From: [email protected]

  Subject: Re: Good News

  Date: October 2, 2015

  Hey Mom,

  Sorry it took me a few days to write back. I just finished a fifteen-page essay for my writing class, and I wouldn't let myself check email or social media until it was done.

  That's fantastic about hitting your three-month mark. Congratulations! You should definitely try college. I've heard Nevada State has some great programs you could check out.

  How are things with Chad? I am definitely interested in meeting him and hope you really can make the trip up here.

  How is Hunter? Has there been any more trouble? I hope he isn't bugging Uncle Dave too much. I never hear from Hunter. He still has a phone, right? I talk to Uncle Dave every now and then, but he doesn't see much of Hunter, so he can't fill me in.

  To: [email protected]

  From: [email protected]

  Subject: Goings On

  Date: October 25, 2015

  Dear Mr. Bow Tie (You don't mind the nickname, do you? If so, just respond and tell me so. Otherwise you're stuck with it),

  I smelled a cigarette for the first time in a while. This might sound nasty, but it made me miss home. I don't actually miss the smell of Mom's cigarettes, but I do miss Mom and my 15-year-old brother, Hunter. I worry about them. Especially lately. Neither of them has been answering texts, calls, or emails.

  Jemma invited me to church with her - it was my first time ever inside a church building. I don't know what I believe, but I'm pretty sure it's important to believe in something that makes you want to be a good person. You know, whatever “good” means. Everyone has their own definition, I suppose. If I'm going to live up to the scholarship by making a positive change in the world, I should probably know what good is. I'm getting closer to knowing what I believe good to be. I'm getting too philosophical, aren't I? Do you see what your educating a happy, ignorant girl has done to me? I get too many thoughts in my head and then pretty soon I don't even understand myself.

  Jemma and Adam are the reason I'm still sane. Last night, Adam drove us to Big Cottonwood Canyon, and we hiked up to Doughnut Falls and got soaking wet. We didn't get home until 2 am. Adam always has fun ideas. I think he goes on lots of dates, so he knows all the fun stuff to do. Jemma says it drives his mom nuts that he's having so much fun at college - she wants him to settle down and study - but is it so wrong to just enjoy this time and make good friends?

  Lakelyn came with us up the canyon, but she wouldn't get in the water because she just got her eyelashes done. I talked to her for a while and found out about her family. Her mom and dad split up when she was ten. She ended up living with her mom and grandpa in LA after that. I guess her grandpa is loaded. He started some sort of tech company several years ago that has taken off. It has something to do with clouds, whatever that means. So Lakelyn's mom has had a high paying job all along. Lakelyn and I actually have a lot in common. She has one uncle and her parents are divorced. Okay, that's all we have in common, but it makes me realize we can relate to anybody if we try. The funniest part of the night was when we realized that Lakelyn spends as much on her eyelashes in one month as Jemma spends on groceries in two months. Lakelyn said she would take us all out to eat once a month because she felt so sorry for Jemma. Not a bad deal! I guess she doesn't have to work at all during college, and her grandpa is paying her tuition and everything else. I hope she is good to her word!

  I'd be in the same boat as Jemma - lots of pasta and cheap frozen burritos - if it weren't for the scholarship paying for my meal plan. Sometimes I eat a really big lunch and skip dinner so Jemma can use my card for a meal.

  Anyway, Lakelyn’s mom and uncle are coming to visit (no doubt to make sure the university is up to their standards). I'll let you know how it goes after I meet them. I wonder if her mom has a dog in her purse and wears pink fur. I'm guessing her uncle will roll up in a Lamborghini and be wearing a billion-dollar watch. Only time will tell.

  P.s. Our conversations are very one-sided, Grandfather. Feel free to reply at any time.

  To: [email protected]

  From: [email protected]

  Subject: Re: Goings On

  Date: October 25, 2015

  Automatic reply: Thank you. Your message has been received.

  To: [email protected]

  From: [email protected]

  Subject: Thanksgiving and Family

  Date: November 29, 2015

  Oh, my goodness! Meeting Lakelyn’s family was the craziest experience. Her mom had a dog in her purse, I kid you not. She didn't have pink fur on, but she was wearing stilettos (the mom, that is, not the dog). I said hello to her and then had nothing left to say. The only questions I had didn't seem appropriate: what do you do when your miniature dog poos in your fancy purse? Is your makeup tattooed, or do you apply that much every single day? (I still haven't dared ask Lakelyn).

  Then there's Lakelyn’s uncle. His name is Will. He doesn’t come to Utah often, but he happened to have a business meeting in Salt Lake that overlapped with his sister's trip. I talked to him for a minute, and he seemed pretty normal. He is young, fairly tall, and kind of looks like a handsome Bill Nye. Or maybe David Tenant. Either way, nerdy-cute is the descriptive word for him. He smiles a lot and is an interesting person to talk to. He actually graduated from the U of U a year ago as a business major. He doesn't wear a watch and he had cheap-looking flip flops on. He drives a 1998 Honda Accord - the same model I shared with my mom back home for a few weeks. He seemed proud of the fact that it has over 230,000 miles on it. His sister flew to Utah, but he drove out here. I expected to feel very out of place in my thrift store clothes and old sneakers, but he made me feel comfortable how I was. I guess he didn't inherit any money. He must be adopted or something - he is quite a bit younger than Lakelyn’s mom, and he is so different from his sister and niece. Is it silly to say that I instantly liked him more than his family members? That's like pride from the bottom looking up, right? Lakelyn warned me that her uncle was a little different and didn't quite fit in with the family, so I should have guessed that he and I would get along.

  I also met Jemma's family, and it was a very different experience from meeting Lakelyn's family. I went to Jemma’s house for Thanksgiving. At home, our Thanksgiving tradition is to watch football, which I've never really cared about. I never really understood why Thanksgiving was such an important holiday, but being with Jemma’s family gave me an idea of why. She and Adam are somewhere in the middle of ten kids... I had to stop writing for a minute to just fathom what it would be like to grow up with so many siblings. My first reaction when Jemma told me was that they must have lived in absolute chaos. In my family, ten kids would not have gone over well at all. So, I was all geared up to face the mob when we drove out to their property in Genola. They have a cute little orchard as you drive up to the house, and they share a little pond with their backyard neighbors. Most of the kids were outside playing football when we got there. One of the little kids was in there with his older brothers and a sister tackling, getting tackled, and punting like a pro. Once the meal started everyone came in and sat down together at the table. I was the only guest, so they just did everything the way they usually do - blessing the food, eating turkey, telling about what they are grateful for, etc. The best part of the meal, though, was dessert. There were about ten homemade pies, which, when I saw them, I thought ‘how could we possibly eat ten pies?’ But I think a couple of the teenagers ate about one and a half each and the pies all disappeared. The funniest part of the night was when Adam pulled out a plate of cupcakes to snack on during the game. He had baked them beforehand at his apartment and had used up two tubes of toothpaste instead of topping them with frosting. One of the kids, I can't recall her name, ate tw
o. I guess she just assumed they were mint flavored cupcakes. I think she would have kept going except everybody else was spitting theirs out.

  After the meal, most of the family watched football, but Jemma and I took two of the smaller kids sledding on a neighbor's hill. I tried to act cool, but it was my first time sledding, and I'm pretty sure it was more fun for me than the little kids. We stayed out until after dark playing in the snow, and Adam joined us after the football game. Besides one of the little kids crying because Adam kept whitewashing him, we all had so much fun! In fact, I don't think I've ever had so much good, clean fun, and I have never seen so many stars in my life!

  I think Thanksgiving is my new favorite holiday. And now I want a big, happy family of my own. Big being like three or four kids, of course. Being with their family made me realize something: If I ever have kids, I'll never let them deal with adult problems. They are going to be happy, darn it!

  As long as I’m daydreaming about my future family, I hope my future husband is as awesome as Jemma’s dad. He had an apron on and was cooking and cleaning and playing with kids. I don’t have any memories of my dad, but I doubt he was like that. None of mom's boyfriends have been like that, either. I don’t think there is any hope of me being a super mom like Jemma’s mom, but I can still get a super husband, right?

  To: [email protected]

  From: [email protected]

  Subject: Re: Thanksgiving and Family

  Date: November 29, 2015

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  To: [email protected]

  From: [email protected]

  Subject: One Semester Down...

  Date: December 20, 2015

  So… don't be mad… and remember how much you love me...I failed math 1030. I promise I tried. I studied more for that class than any of my others, but I guess my brain doesn’t do math. I’m signed up to retake it next semester. Maybe it will be fresh enough in my mind that I can at least pass it. Then I’ll be free from math for the rest of my life. Thank goodness I chose a major that doesn’t require calculations. The only happy thing about grades is that I beat Lakelyn in World History. I got a C and Lakelyn got a C-, even if we did have different professors. Hooray! I know I have a bad disposition, but I was badly brought up. It isn't my fault.

  Lakelyn's family is in town again, including her grandpa this time. I guess it's normal to fly to a different state every couple weeks? They came to do some skiing before taking Lakelyn home for Christmas. I hope I can be that impractical someday. They stopped by the house to pick Lakelyn up, so I made a snack to share. I still haven't figured out where they all stay when they come to Utah. Is it normal to own a house but still get a hotel room? Or maybe they have another house besides Lakelyn's in Utah. I didn't ask because I didn't want to show my ignorance of their way of life.

  We were snacking on my crackers with cheese and tomatoes, and everyone was happy and talking except Will. I would catch him looking at me, almost studying me every now and then. It's not that I care what people think of me… well, maybe him. Honestly, I wish I could see into people's heads sometimes. I would hardly recognize the old Jessie. What do other people think of the new, confident, happy-to-be-me Jessie, though?

  I’ll be staying in Utah for Christmas break. My brother is still refusing to go home, and Mom is spending Christmas at Chad’s house. It will actually be fun here, though. I’ll have the house to myself, and I plan to go for long walks in the snow. You know, growing up in a dysfunctional family, I’ve learned to love time to myself. So please don’t feel sorry for me, Grandfather Dearest. I wish you a fabulous Christmas surrounded by pine trees, snow, warm fires, and family.

  Yours truly,

  Jessie

  P.s. You don't mind that I write in such a familiar tone, do you? I need someone to be familiar with, and you are the only one I can tell all about college and about my family and everything.

  P.p.s. You are a forgiving sort of grandfather, aren't you? I promise I'll never fail a class again.

  To: [email protected]

  From: [email protected]

  Subject: Re: One Semester Down...

  Date: December 20, 2015

  Automatic reply: Thank you. Your message has been received.

  To: [email protected]

  From: [email protected]

  Subject: Update

  Date: January 15, 2016

  Classes are fine. I’m not making a difference in the world.

  To: [email protected]

  From: [email protected]

  Subject: Sorry

  Date: March 3, 2016

  Dearest Bow-Tie-Wearing Grandfather,

  I'm sorry about that last email - I was feeling sorry for myself. The temperature hadn’t gotten above 30 degrees for two weeks, and I need sunshine to feel happy, apparently. Classes have been stressful. Christmas break was boring. Mom is back in treatment. I guess that's a good thing, but she's on a vicious cycle. She didn't send anything for Christmas, but then all I sent her and Hunter was a gift card, so I shouldn't complain. Hunter has started sleeping at a friend's house. Uncle Dave caught him trying to steal money, so he won't let him stay at his house anymore. Mom and Hunter keep ignoring my messages. It's just been a blah couple of months.

  Don’t worry though, I’m in a better mood today. I just got asked out by a super hot guy that I met on the bus. He's pre-med, too.

  Since Christmas was a bit lonely, I ended up buying myself a few gifts. This scholarship really is spoiling me. All my good character is going down the drain. Well, I know you want to know what I bought, so here it is: good makeup (I'm going to see if there is a difference), three pairs of jeans, four shirts, and new socks. I may not come across this way in writing, but I'm not terribly confident. Maybe dressing the part of who I want to be will get rid of the feeling that I'm only as good as who I used to be.

  Okay, fine, I also got a manicure for a Christmas gift to myself. Lakelyn always drums her fingers on the kitchen table while she eats. I don't know if it is just a bad habit of hers or if she's showing off. Either way, I took many opportunities to drum my own fingers in front of her after I had mine done.

  Jemma is dating someone named Reed now. He seems nice. She has decided to major in English since that's his major.

  School continues to be educational. It's boring enough to sit in class all day, so I'd really rather not write much about it. If you object, just tell me so.

  Love,

  Your favorite granddaughter, Jessie

  P.s. What do you look like? I imagine an 80-year-old man with suspenders and a polka dot bow tie. You have a great smile and like to spoil your grandkids - I should know since you spoil me and I haven't even met you. Your eyebrows are bushy because it gives you more character. You are average height and weight. I just need help with your hair. Is it wild wispy white hair? A comb over? Bald? Horseshoe? Toupee? My imagination falters at the top of your head. Please respond. This is VERY IMPORTANT.

  To: [email protected]

  From: [email protected]

  Subject: Party Time

  Date: March 6, 2016

  Hot does not equal nice. Just so you know.

  I’m over it though. So, my date was on Friday with that jerk, but last night we went to a party at Adam and Trevin’s apartment. I shouldn’t brag, but we did a pretty darn good job planning it. I think about eighty people showed up, we didn’t run out of candy, chips OR salsa, and the soda was plentiful as well. For entertainment we played Just Dance on Trevin’s Xbox. I actually love that Jemma and Adam don't drink. I don’t think Lakelyn does, either. I don't know if you planned that in advance somehow, Grandfather, but it is so refreshing living in a house without the stuff. Dr. Pepper is a different story. Don't take that away from me.

  After the party we all stayed and cleaned up… well, except for Lakelyn. But I guess she needed her beauty sleep.


  Hasta luego,

  Jessie

  P.s. I don’t get the automatic replies anymore. I'm just curious why they've stopped. Are you still getting my emails?

  P.p.s. You didn't respond to my question. Bald? Horseshoe? If it helps, I’ll tell you what I look like: I have thick, dark brown hair that is sometimes hard to tame. I have freckles. I’m average height and a little wiry. Or maybe you knew all that. Did you already know what I look like?

  To: [email protected]

  From: [email protected]

  Subject: Hey Kiddo!

  Date: March 28, 2016

  Jessie,

  I’m just wondering how things are going lately. It seems like you haven’t been calling as often. It’s great that my baby girl is getting so independent, but I don’t want you to forget your mom. I think of you all the time and worry about how college is going for you and how everyone is treating you. I’m sure you are doing amazing things.

  My check from the state was messed up this month, and I still need to figure out why they lowered it. Of course, I have enough money for all the essentials, but Hunter forgot to tell me about the fees for driver’s ed. I was just wondering if you could send $600 if you have extra from your scholarship so he can get started with his class. I'd pay you back, of course.

  Thanks, and love you,

  Mom

  To: [email protected]